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Why self-care is not a solo pursuit

March 28, 2017Linda AndersonBALANCE, FAMILY, ME TIMENo Comments

Often when I speak to Mums about making time for themselves they see it is something that is 100% up to them to make happen.  There is an element of truth in this thought but it is not actually the truth.

The Element of Truth

It IS true that you need to be responsible for making self-care and me-time a priority.  You need to be the one who decides to make this a priority – nobody else can do that for you. You need to be willing to implement some changes in your family to allow this to happen.  You need to decide your needs are just as important as everyone else in your family.

 

Why me-time and self-care are NOT 100% your responsibility

You are part of a team, I call it “Team Family”. Everyone on this team has a role to play to ensure the team is happy, healthy, and thriving. Some roles on the team are shared, not necessarily equally and some roles sit 100% with a member of the team. Every ‘Team family” divides these things up their own way.

In “Team Family” Mum & Dad have a lot of roles and these roles can be very demanding. It is really important that Mum & Dad both have an opportunity to recharge, practice self-care, and have some time out just for themselves.  Everyone on the team actually needs to support this happening.

 

What does this look like in my “Team family”?

  • My husband and I have become very good at articulating our needs to that we can find ways to make it happen. It is is not always perfect but imperfect is better than not meeting our needs at all.  For example, last week I mentioned to my husband that I really needed a swim to burn off some stress. We didn’t manage to make it happen the day I mentioned it but he offered to do school drop-off the next morning so I could get a quick morning swim in before work. If I hadn’t articulated my need he would never have offered to do school drop-off.

 

  • We have a family schedule that helps us to carve out some time automatically each week. Again, we don’t stick to this perfectly. Life doesn’t work like that. But it is a fantastic support resource for us

 

  • My children know that Mum & Dad sometimes need to put themselves first. Sometimes this will feel like an inconvenience to the kids, or they are sad that Mum isn’t home for bedtime if I go to Yoga. However, they all know that having time for our grown-up needs is really important.

 

What do you need to differently in your family to ensure finding time for your self-care isn’t 100% your responsibility?

 

Linda {RGB}

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I have been feeling house bound for the last 2 wee I have been feeling house bound for the last 2 weeks recovering from my foot operation but I am able to drive now.
So when a beautiful friend suggested buying me a coffee and meeting me at the beach for some fresh air and a chat it was an immediate YES from me 💗
Thanks @emilykingpens ... that was so good for my soul.
#5minutes4mum
In our modern world we have neglected to support a In our modern world we have neglected to support and prepare a woman for the significant changes she will experience within herself when the mother is born. This transition from woman to mother is profound, and yet generations of women have been left to navigate this part of their journey alone.

It wasn't meant to be like this. We are supposed to gather. To share our wisdom with each other. To share our vulnerabilities. To take this journey hand in hand, to walk the path with others.

The doors to the 2021 Mama Rising Book Club have now opened and I can't wait to bring another small group of women together to explore their journey of motherhood together.

 

Thanks to Zoom we can be any where in the world together, and still gather.
We can rock our babies to sleep ... and still gather.
We can be in lockdown ... and still gather.

I am ready to gather .. are you?
It is time to gather. It is time to explore the ch It is time to gather.
It is time to explore the changes that motherhood has brought YOU, the woman.
It is time to feel supported.

Doors have opened for the 2021 Mama Rising Book Club. Link in bio.

It is time.

#mamarising #matrescence #5minutes4mum
Thank you @koukouleeretreats for providing such a Thank you @koukouleeretreats for providing such a beautiful space to gather mums & buns today for the Mama Rising: Birth of a Mother workshop. 
My 💗 is full tonight
Tomorrow I will be up bright and early (4.50am) fo Tomorrow I will be up bright and early (4.50am) for another great ocean swim with @nzoceanswim 
My island swim friends and I are catching a water taxi across to Auckland for the race.
I have been pretty quiet in the lead up to this swim because I wasnt sure I was going to be able to do it (grrr ... injury) but yesterday I decided I was still going to have a go, even if I just swim super slow and gentle.
You see, a beautiful soul I used to paddle with in Sydney was killed in an accident 2 weeks ago ... leaving behind young children and her wonderful husband. Tomorrow her funeral will be held in Sydney.
Tomorrow I choose to swim ... because I can. And I want to really feel gratitude for that fact and send love from the ocean across the ditch to all who will miss her. 💗🏊‍♀️💗
#lindaswims #gratitude
My first ever river swim. What a beautiful experie My first ever river swim. What a beautiful experience. So different to ocean swimming.
Fabulous event. I will definitely come back for this again.
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