I am a mother. I am always busy. Doing. Doing. Doing.
You are a mother. I bet you feel like you are always busy. Doing. Doing. Doing.
I crave the ability to be still, stop doing so much and yet when an opportunity to do just that I suddenly discover deep discomfort surfacing. Even a sense of guilt.
I don’t travel often without children but usually if I am flying alone I take my laptop. I view the hours in the airport and the plane as precious child free time to accomplish things … perhaps get ahead in my blogging, or start writing an ebook, or some other project that I never seem to have time for at home. I love feeling productive.
On Thursday I am flying to Sydney for the weekend, for a friend’s 40th. I have absolutely no need for my laptop while I am in Sydney and so I decided not to take my laptop with me.
I felt shocked by how uncomfortable this decision made me. The internal dialogue that goes on is fascinating!
“Imagine how much you could get done if you took your laptop!”
“Yes, but I could just read a book and watch a movie on the plane.”
“But you are wasting the chance to get some momentum on the projects you wanted to do before the end of the year”
“True. But why do I always have to ON, accomplishing things. Why can’t I just ‘BE’ for once, just enjoy being on a plane alone without feeling driven to accomplish something with me time?”
“You are never going to get that project done …”
And so the conversation goes with myself.
I will NOT take my laptop but I am unsure if I will be able to let go of the discomfort it is creating in me. It sounds so silly doesn’t it? Feeling discomfort around the idea of simply enjoying a child free plane trip.
I choose not to hold any judgement about these feelings. Simply to reflect and say ‘how interesting’.
How interesting ….